factual, friendly, fabulous!

Today Was the Day


Today was the day that I was glad have complimentary hobbies. When its rainy I play poker. When it’s not too rainy I hike around finding Tupperware in trees. Today it was rainy.

Tomorrow it will probs be rainy too, which is super sad, because Mercury will be visible to the naked eye AND Astronomy Ireland is setting up telescopes all over Dublin to see Mars, which is closer to Earth than it will be until 2018. Dayum! OMG I may be the biggest geek in Europe! See ya at the convention, Wil!

Today I tried to sort out the TV/PS2/Wii/Cable cables. Here in Ireland they use SCART plugs to connect these devices to each other rather than the cute little yellow=video/red & green= audio. Let me say one thing about SCART: not as sturdy as one would hope. I was lucky enough not to permanently damage any electronics (for once!) but they still arent all working properly.

Today I also made some kick ass soup. It had vegetables and salmon and cayenne pepper. It kicked ass like Rowdy Roddy Piper from 1985. Yes, it was that good. It was almost Bruce Lee from 1977 good, but lost points for needing more salt and me accidentally leaving the boquet garni in the pot.

I have to go launder my pocket protector so Ill catch ya tomorrow!

Birthday Girl!


brother and sister

Little Hellcat Birdy is nine years old today

How could my four years of high school dragged by so slowly and these nine years have gone by so fast?

I wrote this six years ago, just to give you a glimpse of the little miss growing up:

Baby Bird

So my daughter is three. and stubborn. and not potty trained.

More than anything in the whole wide world she loves ballet and dancers and tutus.

This is not my doing, I played with dump trucks as a young girl; and certainly not her father’s, he specialized in playing chess with himself and tracing the lines on graph paper in his youth. It’s just that we somehow made this little girlie-girl-princess-head and we are amused and enchanted and slightly aghast as she prances around in my pink babydoll nightie from the beginning of our marriage when I still wore such things.

Last Christmas I turned on PBS just in time to catch Julie Andrews introducing the London Ballet’s version of The Nutcracker and I called her over “Hellcat! Come see the ballet!” I thought she’d enjoy the opening scene and I’d be able to turn on Law and Order in time to see Jerry Orbach sum up the plot twist with a glib remark. but no.

An hour and a half later I awakened to the closing strains of Tchaikovsky and an outline of my little daughter sitting about 4 inches from the screen, mouth open, eyes wide. Julie Andrews came back “For many of you this was your first Nutcracker, I do hope it was a magical experience.”

Oh believe me, Julie… it was.

Ok, so I have this little miss in diapers who loves the ballet. What better motivation for potty training is there than lessons for she who keeps her pink princess Barbie panties dry all day? None I tell you, none.

But in appealing to my daughter’s girly and artistic tendencies to achieve underpant dryness, what price will we pay? Will she enter into the Madame Strict’s Ballet Academy at $18,000 per year tuition? Will she wreck her feet and have lifelong back pain? Will she rehearse 18 hours a day, leaving no social life and less academic success? Will she become anorexic and bulimic and pop Mini-thins and Correctol like a cheese-loving-interstate-truckdriver, only to stop menstruating at 14 and smoke Marlborough Lights like a chimney until she is finally told at 22 that she is washed up and should just quit and have babies and tell bitter stories about what she could have been? Will she never learn to count to five???

She chats to me from her car seat in back as we drive. “Mommy, I’m gonna do ballet. And I’m gonna dance in a special skirt called a tutu. And I’m gonna have a hamburger and french fries and a soda for lunch.”

You sure are honey…

So far today she has discovered a birthday-decorated dining room, made chocolate chip pancakes, opened presents (2 new outfits, a new coat, some PC games and My Sims for her DS), put on make up, and tried on all the new clothes (fashion show dahling!). Now we are off to have a family day at the museum and have dinner at her favorite restaurant. I’d say this should kick of age nine perfectly!


Poker and popcorn and whiskers on kittens


I’m channeling Maria because we’re fixin to take the kids to see The Sound of Music in London in a few weeks. Yes, I know we already went to London, but we missed some of the major attractions; Stonehenge, Bath, The British Museum, plus we love that city. As far as the truthfulness of the title of this post, popcorn is nice and I’m allergic to cats.

That leaves poker, which is on a bit of an upswing as we speak. I took a nice long break from poker after trying nearly everything to shore up my horrible run. I went down in levels. I tried to play tighter. I even cracked a little Harrington for some review. Nothing. So the break.

It worked! I am back to killing the sit-n-gos and cashing in the tourneys.  One day I’ll be back in a decent time zone and can join in the blogger tournament fun once again.

Adventures in ….



Well to start the week off, I was pretty stoked to take 7th int he 16k. I love the final table! Also it was rad like Crocket and Tubbs to win the WWdN tourney at Stars! yay!

Dear Bloggers who I put on tilt,
I hope we can still be friends. I understnd I am a donkey and am sorry you got near my hoofs.
hee haw,

House work

So remember when I got my hair stuck in the vaccuum? Yeah that sucked (har har) and I vowed to get a maid after that. But I didn’t ever get around to it.

Yesterday was laundry day and I was doing the laundery and it was all going great until all of a sudden I went to change the loads and the laundry room smelled minty! “ahhh” I thought to myself, “My laundry room smells so fresh I feel as if I am swimming in a mountain stream!”

Thats when I opened the door and started taking the clothes out and noticed the black goo that coated the entire outside of the dryer barrel. then the sticky little balls in the bottom of the whole mess. gum. GUM. GODAMMIT.

What do you do in this situation? I grabbed my trusty windex and paper towels and started scrubbing. no luck. Then I fetched my Mr Clean Magic eraser that has gotten me out of so very many jams in the past… nope. DAMMIT. Then I remembered - the answer to all problems lies on the internet. I Googled “Gum Dryer” and lo there it was - the solution to all my worries:

“wet a couple of dryer softener sheets and gently rub the gum away. For more stubborn pieces, let the wet sheet lie on the gum and soften it up before removing it.”

Worked like a charm. Thank you internet moms!

Still, I am getting a maid.


That lady is still totally mad at me about the skirt. Whatever. But it is so weird to have someone who wont say one word to you or make any eye contact but is still hanging out around you. Today I told a story from my past and she rolled her eyes.

Note: You are not as subtle as you think you are. Maybe take a subtlety class in college or something if you want to do the eye rolling. Its not working for you at all.

The rest of the PTA is going awesome. We have the best ladies ever! I am very lucky to be following up one of the most dynamic can-do ladies int he world as president - it will make next year all the easier.


still cute and full of trouble.


Wha? I have a husband? Ok ok just kidding - we actually got to have a nice breakfast together the other day after he worked a 48 hour shift. No, thats not a typo.

Dear Full Tilt,
I want my husband back soon please. I understand you like him, but I like him too.
Factually, Facty
PS Thank you for inventing the 16k guarantee tourney -fg

Does My Fat Ass Make Me Look Fat?


Sometimes when I get busy I forget to blog. So quit yer bellyaching here’s a post:


Busy is a dumb word. Bizzy = Busy? Whoever invented English is lame.
Come to think of it Dumb is a dumb word. Silent e = good idea. Silent b = lame.


A PTA lady got super mad at me today over a Girl Scout skirt for her daughter. Best comment of the whole blow up: “Well you have never done anything for me have you, Kate”.

Tip: Don’t ever say that, unless a) Kate has never done anything for you and b) You want to look super selfish and bitchy.

I hear Selfish and Bitchy is the new look for Spring though…


February is seeming to suck for so many of my friends. Thank the FSM it is a short month. Let’s rock March like its 1999.


That’s all you get for now my peeps. Haven’t been pokering lately cause of my cute kids and stuff. Back soon! mwa!

Congrats to Absynthe


Bravo, Ryan, Bravo.

Well deserved.


Hardcore Hentai Tentacle Marshmallow Peep Sex


Just the title alone is going to get me more hits on this page than ever. A note to my new visitors who found me with a tentacle sex search: Move along perv. Nothin to see here. A note to the PTA Ladies: DO NOT GOOGLE HENTAI TENTACLE PORN.

Oh yeah…

I almost forgot THIS:


how about THIS:

I did it! I won the 16 guarantee on Full Tilt! that is a payday of $4,037.76.


I couldn’t have done it without the Luckbox (who transfered some luck to me, thank you), Shane (EYE OF THE TIGER), Penner, Poker Princess, Texas April, the whole crew at Full Tilt Poker, and my handsome husband fhwrdh.

Y’all rock and that is a FACT.

Coffee is the Most Important Meal of the Day


This morning I woke up and our house had no coffee. So I went to the market, got the coffee and decided to get the family a little treat. I got fhwrdh a fritter and the kids some doughnuts. I went to the checkout.

Checker: How many doughuts do you have here?
Facty: Eight.
Checker: Do you want me to charge you for twelve?
Facty: I only have eight…
Checker: But you could go back and get some more.
Facty: I just need eight.
Checker: hoooo kaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy

I thought it was so surreal to have a checker try to up-sell me on pastery until I realized that a dozen doughnuts is cheaper than eight. No mensa tests before coffee please.


Shane Nickerson, I can’t wait to see a pretty pic on your blog. Bunny ears are acceptable.

BETTER Than Marshmallow Peep Sex


Full Tilt Poker 16k Guarantee Tournament…
6th place…

sooo tired….

more tomorrow…


Marshmallow Peep Sex


If you are looking for lewd pics of Marshmallow Peeps I’m sorry to disappoint, but I took a poll and 10 out of 10 pervy bloggers agreed that more people would read my post if I titled it Marshmallow Peep Sex.

What I really want to talk about is what Poker Princess has dubbed The F Factor. Its like M or Q but is named after me and wont help you win a tourney.

The F factor has two parts: the Big Tourney Fund and the $10 Reward.

First, you need to commit to playing in a Big Tourney (I will be playing in the controversial Ladies Event at the WSOP 7/9/2006). Every day the first dollar of your winnings goes into your Big Tourney Fund. In a year you will have 1/3 of a buy in!

Second is the $10 Reward. On Full Tilt are these awesome $6+.60 games where the top 4 get a $26 token. These games are as soft as Marshmallow Peep Sex. Anyhoo, the goal is to get tokens but keep building your bankroll. So the rule is: Grind out $10. once you get to 10, you give yourself the reward of a token tourney.

Adjust all this to your limits and you have suddenly become a disciplined bankroll manager. Thank me later!

PS I don’t know if you have noticed but I never post poker advice here. I’m not that good at poker. You know who is really good at poker? Harrington. But I was talking about my F Factor system and some other nice bloggers said I should post it. If it really does help you in any way let me know. And Please do not have sex with peeps. The Smoking Gun always gets those crazy ER stories.

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