Factgirl

factual, friendly, fabulous!

Snake Free and Lovin’ It!

March16

SSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssssssssssYep Ireland is snake free thanks to St Patrick. Bear, lizard and decent burrito free too. All you Ireland-haters out there will think of this post one day when you are in California getting eated by a Black Bear. (not a typo. Eated is much much more funner than eaten.)

So, St Patrick’s Day. There are so many solomn traditions associated with this special day, each signifying a part of St Patrick’s life. For instance:

LEGEND: St Patrick was kidnapped from Wales as a boy and sold into slavery in Ireland. TODAY: We watch a parade and drink Guinness.

LEGEND: St Patrick escaped to France aboard a ship carrying Irish Wolfhounds. He paid for his passage by keeping the hounds quiet while on board. TODAY: We avoid dog poop on the sidewalk (seriously, Dublin has nearly as much as Paris) and drink Guinness.

LEGEND: St Patrick became a priest and returned to Ireland. As he camped in Slane, he enraged King Laoghaire by lighting his fire before the king had lit his. He was arrested and when they tried to put out the fire, no one could (because it was so holy and all). TODAY: We thank the Irish government for banning smoking indoors in pubs and restaurants and drink Guinness.

LEGEND: St Patrick showed the Irish the concept of the Holy Trinity by showing them a shamrock. TODAY: We wear green and drink Guinness.

LEGEND: St Patrick stuck his staff into the ground and either a well sprung forth or an ash tree grew. TODAY: We drink Jameson and then drink Guinness.

Well, I hope you found this little lesson in history and tradition edifying. I would like to thank Jelly for his excellent recall of his 4th class St Patrick project last year, and Helly for playing outside and leaving me in peace to write this.

Have a great St Patrick’s Day and remember the most important tradition of all: THE HOLY DESIGNATED DRIVER.

Lovely

Saturday Morning Ramble

June7

I already Twittered this but Fhwrdh and I lucked into Radiohead tickets for tonight and I am beside myself with excitement. I realized this is my first live music show since having kids.

Just for perspective, Jelly is ELEVEN.

_____

The other day Birdy was skipping around singing The Battle Hymn of the Republic. I noticed the words were different and remembered how we used to sing it when I was in grade school.

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school. We have tied up all the teachers and we’ve broken every rule.

My goodness if you sang that today you would be brought up on terror charges! Anyway, I asked, “What are you singing?”

“The ManU fight song!”

Note: Manchester United is a very famous soccer team from England. Not only does my precious little baby not know she is singing an American Civil War tune, she is supporting ManU? Even when they aren’t playing Chelsea? Ugh.

____

Birdy has a new little post up over at her little nest. This one she typed all by herself! Yay!

posted under funny, kids, thinkings | 1 Comment »

The Damned Gym

January16

 I belong to the gym down the street. Now, when I first got to Ireland and took a look around and saw beautiful Georgian architecture and gated gardens, I thought that the gym would be full of medicine balls, Indian clubs and electric tummy wigglers.

But no! My gym is on FIRE! Seriously, there are flames everywhere - from the moment you walk down the tea-lit glass staircase to get into the gym, to the flaming torches that adorn the walls of the weight room. It looks like the sixth circle of hell in Dante’s Divine Comedy (that is the circle reserved for heretics, where they are trapped in flaming tombs).

Only the swimming pool is spared the tea light treatment. Ok, yes, it is surrounded by tea lights on all sides, but until the day that a tea light can burn underwater whilst ladies bounce through their Aquafit routine in their beskirted speedos, the pool itself remains tea light free. But don’t think the interior design team didn’t do their literary homework! This room looks like a combination of Plato’s Cave and Dante’s fifth circle of hell (thats the one on the river Styx where the wrathful fight each other on the surface of the water and the slothful gurgle restlessly below). The room has a blue hue created both by the blue tile of the pool and the blue lighting above. Its very dark, but only to draw attention to the projection that takes up the entire far wall with a continuous showing of The Blue Ocean. Its like The Cave - but for fish! There are also four inexplicable monitors on the side wall that show Jaques Cousteau specials, Gladiator, some other fish documentary and Gone With the Wind. Because swimming laps is the perfect time to get your movie on!

So a few weeks ago I was at the Damned Gym and I was on one of the weight machines when a woman walked past me and gave me a look like “I know what you did, and I don’t approve”. I smiled at her, ’cause thats how I roll, when suddenly it hit me: the powerful stench of stinkyness. It smelled like… poop.

“Ew!” I thought to myself, “she should say excuse me!” and gave the woman the “I know what you did, and I don’t approve” look.

Then I realized that the woman thought that I was the stinker! When we had exchanged looks we both realized that neither of us was the culprit, so we simultaneously turned our gaze to the two gentlemen at the free weights who had the nerve to already be giving us the stink-eye!

Then someone said “look, its a leak!” and sure enough sewage was spilling through a crack in the ceiling, absolving all of us from suspicion. But for that bare few moments we were all in the sixth ditch of the eighth circle of hell at the Damned Gym. (thats the one where fraudulent accusers go, and listlessly wander around in lead cloaks. We didnt have lead cloaks but those weights were pretty heavy).

So if you move to Dublin, say your prayers, eat healthy, and save for lipo, or you too may end up at THE DAMNED GYM.

-fin-

Tie Fighter Restrictions on Dublin Streets

March5

Driving home from Pheonix Park night before last we spotted this street sign; evidently the city of Dublin doesn’t want too many Empire fighters congregating near the canal. In all fairness, the canal area is an excellent place to practice your tie fighting skills, dodging swans, flying under and over bridges, and shooting lasers at pidgeons.

I wonder if X-Wings also get static from the Garda along this stretch of road.

MTFBWY

Player Poker Online at Full Tilt Poker
Learn, Chat, and Play with the Pros at the fastest growing Online Poker Room.